A Day in the Harvey Household…
The day started just before 5-45 and in this house, you dare not move before you are ready to actually get up, otherwise you have Golden Retrievers sticking cold wet noses in your face, wanting to be the first to say good morning.
Then of course one light footfall alerts Izzie and Portia – the two pot bellied pigs, to the prospect of breakfast – after all – Supper was over 8 hours ago – heaven forbid!!! As soon as the front door is open, Bailey, the youngest of the Golden Retrievers, is out and off into the wet grass – staying clean and dry is not high on her priority list!
Maddox – the alpha male, follows at a leisurely pace, once he has tracked down and reclaimed his current nunu (this is what we call any toy he has become attached to, and carries around everywhere in his mouth, even sleeping with it there) – which ranges from hairless tennis balls to fluffy teddy’s (stolen from my daughter Kristi’s room) to a decent carrying size piece of wood from the woodpile (which feels delightful after days of dog drool have been added to the soggy bark!). Also not ideal if Marley (my son’s male Golden Retriever) gets hold of it, as he loves walking through people’s legs and with these pieces of wood, he can take out knees very effectively!! Maddox will walk out and go and pee in all four corners of the garden, just in case anyone is in any doubt about who runs this place, followed closely by Coda (a very cocky little West Highland Terrier cross) – his trusty sidekick, who thinks his whole purpose in life is to be Maddox’s muscle and go-to-guy! If Maddox just so much as looks sideways at any other living creature, Coda (all 12 inches in height), will go off and generally be thoroughly obnoxious, that will include growling, barging with shoulder and even an odd bite if the occasion calls for it. He will then come trotting back to Maddox, certain of his approval – which Maddox is just way too cool to give (but that’s what makes him such a legend in Coda’s eyes!!), and resume his place at his side.
The pigs on the other hand, need a gilt edged invitation and at least 24 hours notice if you want them to go straight outside to relieve themselves, oh nooooo, priorities here!! BREAKFAST! Definitely no strength until there is some recent food in those bellies!! They will both waddle sleepily into the kitchen on their little hoof stiletto’s, and start tossing food bowls around with their snouts. Of course if I haven’t woken Kristi up by now, this sometimes does the trick but no guarantee. If I am still in bed at the other end of the house and I hear this I think we’ve been invaded – tin bowls on tiled floor are not the gentlest ways to wake up!! I usually then start off with their food to stop the cacophony but while I am putting the meal in the bowls, I am being given pig snout stamps on my shins and calves. Almost like those potato stamps we used to make as kids – these snouts leave pretty much the same effective marks – especially once they have been outside and investigated all the mud spots – great on light coloured trousers!! Once the bowls are ready for dispatch, it is then a race between me and 8 little legs to get down the kitchen steps into the courtyard, so that I can put the bowl down without spilling. I have won only 2 of those races in the last 4 months or so – it should be obvious – flying hungry pig moving down stairs is going to be much faster than human on two legs trying to balance two full bowls of pig meal!! Dumb Ass that I am!!
Then there is time to go and wake Kristi and get the day started – while two little snorting snuffling little mouths tuck happily into sloppy porridge!! I have found that I have to eat breakfast myself later these days, a lot later in fact!! Both pigs actually climb into their bowls and put their backsides to each other to try and protect their meals – if one ventures over to see what the other one got, there is usually a full on verbal exchange – Izzie in low grunts and Portia in her high pitched squeals. Once breakfast is dispensed with, I have to then open the office door which leads to the back garden, where there is always some bird seed or bone meal around to go and nibble, but by the time these two decide to go out that side, they are now popping to go to the loo, so they bolt at high speed, from back door to office door and Heaven help anyone or anything that gets in the way. I once made the mistake of not opening the security gate in time and I came in to find one of my little notebooks shredded on the floor – I haven’t made that mistake again!! They fly down the stairs and often Portia doesn’t quite move far enough away from the concrete steps so when she lifts her tail and lets fly with this stream of pent up pee – she gets serious splash back from the step. Izzie always moves out further – it could have something to do with the fact that Portia lived in a courtyard before we got her, so was used to doing her business on concrete and maybe even got to like the feeling of splash back (eeeeow – I know!). Unfortunately though it gets a little irritating if someone unsuspectingly walks down the stairs to go out and admire the ducks and chickens because to get pig poop off your shoe is not an easy task and definitely not for the fainthearted!! Maybe that accounts for the number of pairs of shoes visitors have felt inclined to leave here on a number of occasions – lucrative sideline!!
After all the business has been done, it is usually swim time. That means two little pigs launching themselves into the little duck pond outside, both pushing and barging to get there first. Portia has almost mastered the art of snorkelling – the whole head goes in and when she lifts her head she has this darker mask on her face that gives her a strange new look, she loves it though and spends quite a few hours every day outside “snorkelling”. After that and once I am back from dropping Kristi off, it is morning siesta time – after all, all these mad dashes down stairs and into dams and eating everything in sight is quite exhausting!! Before siesta though usually they have to take a walk around the office to see if there is anything new. Yesterday Izzie was investigating a large brown paper shopping bag when my helper Sithabile wheeled the vacuum cleaner out – Izzie and the vacuum cleaner are not friends!! Izzie gave her usual deep bark and charged off but by this time the bag was well over her head – she flew into the water bowl, round the corner into the entrance hall where she managed to pick up a saddle stand, two dog leads and one halter so she just kept running. Eventually when she went down the stairs in the passage near my bedroom the packet tore and she could see where she was going. In between tears of laughter I managed to retrieve the contents from the hall stand that she was now wearing and calm her down. One not very amused pig!! Today Portia is trying to climb inside a cardboard box that the new mobile phone came in – just in case there is anything edible in one of the far corners!!
Bob – our little rescued kitten, (his mother was hit by a car as she was carrying him across a busy road and killed instantly, when he was about a week old) has been sniffed from head to toe, much to his delight because then he just attaches himself to their snouts and plays drag for a bit. He often jumps on their backs and they drop like those fainting goats – they just love the scratchy feeling – same as when our very cheeky lorikeets hitch a ride – they go squint with pleasure! After all the investigating, they either flop down under my desk (which poses a number of problems – the main one being the very noxious farts that they manage to let go of with gay abandon – often these smells nearly knock me off my chair or leave me gasping when I am trying to talk on the phone), or go and climb under the edge of the carpet and snore away the next hour or so until someone dares to move into the kitchen area!! Instant wake up then!! This is when Bob has his fun – he climbs all over them, plays with those little tails that wag as soon as they hear human voices and generally lords it over them enjoying the soft bouncy bellies!! Sometimes their naps will be as long as a couple of hours and I often wonder if telephone callers are curious about the loud snoring in the background – they might think they’ve phoned a Government Department or something!! If any of them make funny noises and the caller queries it (usually friends who know my surroundings), I just blame my colleague Lynne who often comes and works from here with me. The same as when I am in the middle of an important business call and the flipping rooster decides to let rip right outside the window, I usually blame incoming phone message on a colleague’s phone – I’m sure lots of people have heard the cock crowing message alert – while mine this side is the real deal, it seems like a plausible explanation!
After naps the two of them will often go for a walk around the garden together – this is when they think no one is looking and it is quite plain to see that they have actually become good mates. There isn’t much pushing and barging but more shoulder to shoulder tottering about – they quite enjoy getting a reaction out of the horses in the paddocks close by and when they do, they take delight in barking and sprinting hell for leather around the perimeter!! In the beginning that would send the ducks, chickens and guinea fowl into a total spin but now they just kind of roll their eyes and watch boredly. Even the dogs have stopped reacting because it happens often. When they are at full speed these pigs can move – they seem to lower their under carriages even more and you can hardly see the little legs moving, just this little dark blur flying around the corners. Izzie isn’t as agile as Portia and often misjudges corners which leaves her lying very undignified on her side, when she then just sits there and acts as it that was the plan all along!! She then takes a few moments to masticate while looking around very casually to see if anyone noticed – cool as a cucumber. The disadvantages of being top heavy!!
I once made the mistake of interviewing a candidate at my desk without telling her about Izzie who at that stage was a lot smaller and always slept well under my desk. With the little grunts and the regular smells wafting upwards, the interview did not really go as well as planned and when she left, giving me very strange looks, it was the last I saw or heard from her – she never returned any of my calls. I should have explained!!
Sandy Harvey
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